Just as I am having my usual cranium scratching session in regard to the contents of this epistle, manna from heaven descends in the form of a snap election.
Myriad thoughts went through said brain-box when the news was announced but these can probably be summarised as ‘why?’
Although the already twice mentioned grey cells are not what they were I distinctly remember exercising my plebiscite almost exactly two years ago safe in the knowledge that, barring unforeseen circumstances, it could remain inactive for a fixed term of 5 years.
But no, lo and behold the duly elected Govt decides we need to go through it all again. Why I hear you echo. Well because the beastly opposition were not supporting Brexit. Apart from the fact they were of course, being obliged to due to the fact that when push came to shove many grass root Labour supporters showed in the referendum that they could be just as small minded foreigner hating bigots as some members of the Tories and UKIP. Puzzling really.
In reality the only people that seem to relish an election are the media who insist on the 24 hour rolling news they now peddle relentlessly. So now we have to suffer 7 weeks of squabbling, posturing, inane arguments and petty point scoring.
If I wanted that I could simply stay at home all day with Mrs G.
We will now be required to cogitate upon the conflicting and competing arguments of the parties and their rhetoric. Perhaps each one of us should go to our Sherlockian mind palace to ruminate. Unfortunately mine is increasingly occupied by a pint of warm beer and….no that’s pretty much it to be honest.
A few weeks of political uncertainty is hardly what the economy needs but the die is cast now. One thing I ask for though-can we please be spared the constant findings of the opinion polls? I suspect our family cat could make a more accurate prediction than the pollsters. Mind you I think he is a closet SNP voter –determined to be independent, rolls in at all hours, will pick a fight with anything that moves, dubious culinary tastes yet is reliant upon the English.
Right, in my effort to remain scrupulously neutral I reckon I have upset all of the parties equally in this column-if I have missed you off there is one more before 8th June.
On the subject of time this was written at least a week before you will read it. In the meanwhile we may have ceased to exist due to the American and the North Korean leaders, both of whom have different brains to the rest of us, lobbing missiles at each other (although we in the UK are more likely to be hit by an American one). In which case at least it will spare us the election.
Cogito ergo sum.