You are no doubt aware that Peter Capaldi has decided to stand down from his role as Dr Who after Christmas. Pending the official announcement in Radio Times that yours truly is to be the next custodian of the Tardis I thought that I would –in an attempt to get away from all this Fake News everyone is on about-have a sneak preview of the meeting notes from Hastings Area Chamber of Commerce for March 2067.
The Chairman called the meeting to order, which took a few minutes as the broadband was a bit dodgy in places. It was noted, due to improvements in health care-and in some cases some rather iffy genetic implants-that some members were now in their 75th year of membership.
The economy continues to boom. Opinion is divided on the exact date that it picked up, some say Brexit but many feel it was Frexit and the subsequent collapse of the European dream which left just Scotland as the sole EU member. The subsequent conflict in mainland Europe which dragged on for 25 years left the economies of those countries ravaged while of course the UK had returned to its policy of 1815- 1914 of jolly well staying out of it (well directly out of it of course, although plenty of money was made in supplying armaments and even more from bandages ). It was noted that the only actual conflict now is between Luxembourg and Moldova but logistics were proving an issue in that one and it is likely to be called a draw.
Thankfully the Eurovision song contest survived the internecine conflict and it was noted that the British entry really was quite hopeful of scoring a point this year.
On the theme of winning, the announcement of the Cameron Award for Forward Planning has been delayed indefinitely.
On the global front both Putin and Trump remain in power-and indeed plugged into it directly. Putin of course just keeps amending the number of years the Russian Emperor can be elected for and Trump is still there because he refuses to believe no one likes him-saying he must stand down is a media conspiracy apparently. Luckily Vice President Gonzalez does a splendid job while Mr Trump sits in his padded oval room.
Rising sea levels, although at a record high, are still of no concern. We will apparently just keep building our coastal walls higher-and since the introduction of the brick tax business rates have of course been abolished as unnecessary.
Locally the new cricket ground on Priory Meadow looks just splendid but it is noted that the whereabouts of the statue of the Unknown Local Shopper is still a mystery.
The Borough Sturmbannfuhrer reported that the Queensway Gateway should be open next year and the council, for the sake of something to do, have named their new command bunker after an itinerant antipodean pomegranate salesman.
This was agreed, instantly to save time, as a true record of events.